May is Mental Health Awareness Month! Mental Health is very important to me, and I want to share my experiences and get a dialogue going through my platform here on the blog as well as my YouTube channel. Today’s post is more of a creative piece. I wrote it recently while I was struggling through a bout of anxiety. It’s a little erratic because that’s where my headspace was! Unfortunately, Mental Health goes unnoticed for many, or they feel they can’t open up about it do to the dangerous stigma that is still placed in today’s society. I feel that one of my duties in life is to share my experiences in the hope that we start to listen and educate ourselves about one of the most overlooked problems in history
My heart begins to thud against my chest. That agonizing and familiar beat.
thump thump. thump thump.
It’s an erratic tempo, all over the place. Making weird and twisted music…only its that song on the radio you don’t ever want to hear again.
Sufferers of shitty mental health know these terrifying beginnings of a restless night all too well. Or morning. Or afternoon. Or multiple days, weeks, months, years. You think one day it’s all over. You’ve popped your pills. You’ve done your yoga, met with your counselor, fucking read a book! You’re healed and feel brand new. Goodbye, anxiety.
But nah. It always finds a way to creep back. Just like that terrible song! Welcome back, anxiety.
What even started this, anyway? Today wasn’t a terrible day! You survived another day. You were productive, even.
But just a quiet moment. You let loose and your mind wanders and your brainwaves are actually those airwaves that always lead you back to the shitty song. The shitty song that only you know. Hello, again.
It’s exhausting. You feel trapped. You feel alone. You feel pathetic, irrate, and ready to burst. You just don’t want to listen anymore because it’s not a song or music but it’s your
Your brain turns the station, your song ends. There is peace. A quiet and content peace.
Until you hear it again.