Have you ever been hit by such an intense wave of inspiration that then leads to a 3 AM freak out? Which then leads to an irrational identity crisis, which then leads to a mild anxiety attack? If not, be happy. Luckily, my current wave of inspiration hit whilst reading a dear friend’s blog. She has not given me permission to share her blog because I’m embarrassed to ask, but it’s truly something wonderful. A fellow post grad and twenty something, my friend has ventured to the West Coast to start a new Pretend Adult life. I say Pretend Adult because I know that anyone my age, 22/23, is just pretending at this point.
She writes so genuinely and freely on her blog about her new life adventures and my heart performs a million flips because I know she is being herself. She tells her stories the only way she knows how. Reading her blog is like a personal diary entry, without the overshare. It has sparked something within me that might have a big impact on this space. I started this blog to capture my life at this age, but I feel I’ve yet to write “so genuinely and freely”, so here we go.
After May 10th, 2014, my college graduation day, I was not fully forced into The Real World. Not the reality television series, but the imaginary place we are made to fear from about the end of high school to senior year of college. Okay and let’s be real, for the rest of forever.
I did not jump on job applications, take a break before grad school, or make the big move for my new job offer. I stayed in Harrisonburg, VA to hang out with my friends! Adulthood seemed gross (still does) so why even trip on starting so early?
We drank wine, watched movies, laughed, and lounged until it was time for me to pack my bags, say goodbye, and move back to my hometown. Ignorantly years ago, I believed moving back in with my parents was the next horror film release. Spoiler alert: I was very wrong. I am enjoying myself! However, The Original Plan was to have a job and be gone the day after graduation. I know, you can pause here to finish your laughter.
I try not to focus on the past much anymore because that is worthless unless you are trying to learn some kind of lesson. I won’t focus on what I did or didn’t do during my senior year. I won’t give advice to current college students on how to navigate post grad because there is no guide. You can stop Googling now! THERE ARE NO ANSWERS. THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXI–wait, sorry.
This life, whether you went to school or not, doesn’t have a direct path. I am learning and trying to accept this fact. While I know there are risks to publishing this post–ie; people talking shit behind my back, judging me, etc.–I’m going to anyway! So here it is. The Mighty Truth. I am still on my path and journey. I am not employed. I look after my sister’s kids after school to help out. I am living with an anxiety disorder. I make YouTube videos for fun and write blogs that maybe 10 people read. My tomorrow is unknown, and so is yours, but I want to be more open about my today. My today is not what I wanted it to be last year or the year before but I know that my today is today for a reason.
Thank you for sitting through what might have been a Dr. Seuss riddle just then.
Soon it will be May 10th, 2015. Undergrad Chantal might be a little peeved with Post Grad Chantal if she knew what life was like now,
but, I’m where I’m supposed to be. I feel that in my heart and it’s one of the most fulfilling feelings. Oh, and I lied. To current college students, no one knows what we are doing. Just cry that shit out, girl! Boy! Whatever you identify with! Just cry. And then eat. Or run. Or do whatever that isn’t destructive to your well being that helps you feel better in the moment.
I hope this has been a satisfying blog which I hope was half-poetic, half-WTF. My name is Chantal and these are my thoughts.